Where Do I Fit?
by LockedHeartsandHandGrenades
Summary: Bella, not Edward, is the first to join Carlisle, she is seemingly happy in a family of couples. However her past continues to interfere with her new life, how long will Bella let this continue on for? Edward will feature later AU
1. Summary

**Where Do I Fit?**

**Summary**

Bella joined Carlisle almost a century ago, and since then has been present as the Cullen family took shape.

She is seemingly happy to be a member of the Cullen family, but as the only single member her happiness may not be as certain as the rest of her family.

Her past connections continue to impact upon her family life, will Bella continue to let it do so? And if so for how long?

Edward will feature later.

AU

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately I do not own any of the twilight characters, they are the work of S. Meyer, but one can dream!**


	2. Chapter 1 Goodbyes, Once Again

Chapter One: Goodbyes, Once Again

BPOV

Goodbyes for me were always over-shadowed by regret and tinged with fear, although the fear was something I was fervently denied, only Jasper saw through that façade with ease. I told myself the goodbyes were necessary, although of late I had begun to wonder whether necessary was the correct choice of word. It perhaps was necessary although not for the reasons I had long convinced myself of.

Mere days ago I had celebrated my 247th birthday, I had of course insisted on a low-key affair, however after so many years I should have learned. Alice and low-key did not exactly mix well, it had once again become a lavish Cullen birthday. For heaven's sake there was even cake! Ridiculous of course, which vampires ate cake, but Alice would be Alice!

I had waited and smiled graciously through my birthday but I could no longer prolong the inevitable, they had called and once again I answered their plea, or perhaps it was a request, either way I once again found myself answering my supposed destiny.

Of course my answering of this request was necessary, although my family thought otherwise. Their safety, and distance from my once world depended upon me answering their requests.

My thoughts began to travel to my family, those who had brought meaning to my existence. I knew some things for certain a family in the world of vampires was a rarity, a coven was common, yet we chose to call ourselves a family as we believed the bonds which linked us rivalled those of any family who inhibited this Earth.

My family was however not a typical family. Of course we had our patriarchal figure in Carlisle, who's compassion and love still surprised even my cynical self. Esme the ever graceful and loving maternal figure, whom each of us turned to in our despair in search of her acceptance and love, which she consistently offered, despite our shortcomings. I would never have believed it a century ago, but Carlisle and Esme had filled my long present void, and in every sense of the word had taken over the role of parents to myself.

Although Carlisle and Esme were at the forefront of my thoughts, I was still encapsulated in my thoughts. Next I thought of Rosalie and Emmett, seemingly polar opposites. Rosalie, who prided herself on being the ice-queen, but underneath her icy exterior was a tenderness and longing which she masked with her indifference. I most certainly believe Rosalie would have remained bitter if it had not have been for Emmett. He was in so many ways her saviour, although of course she rescued him from certain death. Emmett the fun-loving prankster of our family, who most certainly made our eternal existence a lot more interesting. Rosalie and Emmett were the siblings I had longed for as a child, they may have their flaws but they were vital to our family.

Last but most certainly not least was Alice and Jasper. Alice the energetic shopaholic, who's eccentricity and vivacious nature were the perfect counter to Rosalie's stubborn nature and my own dry wit. Jasper, the love of Alice's life, was her perfect match. Jasper, the empath, was the most reserved of the Cullen clan, and ironically this was perfect as he countered his pixie wife. Their addition to family had seemingly being the icing on the cake.

Yet in a family of three perfect couples, it was hard not ponder on where I exactly my place in the family lay?

Where did I fit in? Esme and Carlisle were the head of our family and their advice and wisdom was crucial. Rosalie, who's love was the hardest won, was the strongest character in our family, despite being the bitter and outwardly selfish character it was Rosalie who could be depended upon, her loyalty was unwavering. Emmett was the comedian, who never ceased to make people laugh with his boyish charm and eternal teasing. Jasper was the calm centre, and Alice was the hectic storm, their talents and personalities could be depended upon to brighten the darkest of days. So what role did I fulfil?

I was pulled from my thoughts by an announcement, "Flight 453 to Italy now boarding". With one quick moment I composed myself and began my journey back to the place that for so many years I called home, Volterra.


	3. Chapter 2 Thoughts of Home

**Chapter Two: Thoughts of Home**

BPOV

The flight as usual almost unbearable, in some ways I relished the chance to return to the Volturi, and yet as always I was filled with regret and uncertainty.

Was leaving my family the right choice? My mind would always scream yes, I loved them and that was un-doubtable, but I desperately needed my solitude. They had been for nearly a century my family, and yet there were moments when I doubted my choices. I was the odd one out in a family of blissfully happy couples. I answered these requests, not because I felt obliged but in order to escape the loneliness which engulfed me when I spent extended periods of time with my family.

It had been almost ten years since I had re-united with the Volturi and by now I needed the distraction, not only form my family but from my own thoughts. Seeing their love for one another, often made me reflect on my own life. I was now more certain than ever that I was destined to be alone for eternity. The Volturi provided a distraction from my loneliness, they gave me a way in which I could ensure my family could remain as blissfully happy as our existence allowed. This knowledge ebbed away at my un-certainty, until once again I was positive me returning to Volterra was the right choice.

I had once viewed the Volturi as my family, yet their love and acceptance was far overshadowed by the Cullen's. It had been with a heavy heart that I had left the Volturi, and chosen a life with the Cullen family. Although at the time the decision had been hard, I was un-wavering in my certainty that I had made the right choice. A century with the Cullen's had transformed my thoughts and beliefs of the world.

My most obvious similarity with the Cullen family had been our shared choice of diet, yet this had not been the sole factor in my decision to join the Cullen family. Of course back when I had first joined the Cullen's it had just been Carlisle. Over the years our family had expanded to its present size and in reflection with each new addition it had become more complete.


	4. Chapter 3 Meeting Bella

**Chapter Three****: Meeting Bella**

Carlisle POV

As usual Bella's leaving coincided with my thoughts of how I had first met her. My beautiful daughter had certainly made quite the first impression on me, of course I never had any romantic inclinations towards her, yet I felt a strange pull to her. Not only did her golden eyes alert me to our similar diets, but those golden eyes held to them a depth which I had scarcely encountered.

It had been just shy of a century ago when I had been visiting Volterra, when I had been introduced to the famed possession of the Volturi, Bella.

Her talents were legendary, her beauty renowned and she been a faithful Volturi guard for over a century before I was introduced to her. She was no secret in the vampire world, her name well known, just as Jane and Alec are now, yet there were few who had made her acquaintance.

I had been invited to Volterra by Aro, I presumed for a catch up between old acquaintances, I learned however this was not to be the case.

Aro's true intention, as always was un-clear, but it is my belief now he had sensed Bella's growing resentment of the Volturi way of life and had co-ordinated our meeting so Bella could have someone with a more similar outlook to converse with. I do not believe he intended to have Bella then leave the Volturi to live with me, but he graciously accepted her decision which I am sure he would not have bestowed upon many others.

I had instantly been enthralled by her boldness and unconventionality. She, like me, drank the blood of animals and defied the traditional vampire beliefs, and this had been how our first conversation had began.

_**Flashback**_

_I extended my hand and received in return her hand, as we shook hands a smile graced her lips._

"_Carlisle Cullen, I was wondering when I would make your acquaintance."_

_I chuckled and replied "I am most delighted to finally meet the infamous Bella"._

_She scoffed at this remark and offered no reply and instead turned to Aro, "Would you mind if Carlisle and myself were to go and hunt?"_

It had been whilst hunting and over conversations afterwards that I had discovered how truly selfless and remarkable Bella was.

She unlike someone like Jane was not arrogant or conceited, yet instead she was kind and compassionate, despite having her cynical and bold façade for the world.

Once I had gained Bella's trust I had been amazed by her inner beauty, especially her humility and morality, which was hidden under her obvious beauty and power, yet I did my best to look past that and accept Bella for who she was.

I still recall with perfect clarity the day I told Bella I was leaving Volterra.

_**Flashback**_

_Bella and I were sitting admiring the view around us after a successful hunt, as we basked in the mid-day sun, I was lost in my thoughts. I had been in Volterra for over a year by now and was growing impatient to return to the real world and resume my position as a doctor. The sole reason I had stayed as long was the beautiful creature who sat next to me._

_I was startled when Bella turned to me and said "Carlisle just say it already, I can sense your unease, I know your leaving, am I right to assume this?"_

_Of course she had guessed why I had been consumed in my thoughts, I replied "I regret I must return to my life, I miss my role as a doctor and I"_

_Before I finished my sentence Bella had uncharacteristically blurted out "CanIjoinyou?"_

_In the moments I took to decipher her question and fully comprehend the question, her face had fallen, with hurt evident in her eyes. She mistook my silence for rejection. _

_Unconsciously a smile spread across my face and reply required almost no thought "I would be honoured"._

From that moment onwards Bella had become a Cullen, and with each new addition, she like me watched our family grow into completeness.

Esme my most beloved wife was the first to join Bella and I. Her loving nature was something both Bella and I relished and she brought me eternal joy. Bella was overjoyed at my obvious bliss, and she accepted Esme as the maternal figure which she had never known. A few short weeks with Esme in our lives and it was impossible to imagine life without her.

Next came Rosalie, I initially agonized over my decision to 'rescue' her from death, her bitterness and resentment certainly made her newborn years taxing. It was the introduction of Emmett which had ultimately rescued Rosalie. Emmett injected humour and a carefree nature into our family, and watching his and Rosalie's love blossom had been a privilege. It was with myself, Emse, Rosalie, Emmett and Bella that our family existed happily for many decades.

There were moments when our harmony was disrupted, be it an accidental slip up by one of us, or a Roaslie Temper Tantrum (as they had become named) or Bella leaving, but in general we were a happy family unit.

It had been fifty years ago that the final members of our family had joined us, their un-expected arrival had taken each of us by surprise, but days after meeting Alice and Jasper it was evident they were destined to become Cullen's. They fit seamlessly into our family. With that I truly believed the family was complete, or so it seemed.

I sensed Bella's loneliness, but it was her most stubborn trait that she would not admit this feeling. Bella had long ago learned to not show weakness, at only at a handful of times had I witnessed Bella blurt out a remark or lost her temper.

Jasper had revealed Bella's emotions to me in confidence, but by then I already had my doubts that Bella was not as blissfully happy as the coupled members of our family. She was single in family of couples, it was understandable that she felt differently to those of us who were blinded to the worlds flaws by love.

It was moments like these, after her departure, that I wished she could find her true love. Bella may be resigned to finding her mate, but I believe that somewhere there is someone who will complete my beautiful daughter, and blind her to the flaws of the world, like only love can do.

Unlike my family I understood her leaving, it had been a request of Aro when she had first asked to leave the Volturi guard that if the need was great and they required her talents and presence then they would request her to rejoin the guard, temporarily, to help in which ever battle they were presently engaging in.

Over the years the arrangement had been altered. Aro was cautiously aware of Alice and Jaspers powers, an empath and a vampire who saw the future, would have usually been prime targets for Aro's famed guard. It had been Bella's influence and self-sacrifice which had kept them sheltered from the Volturi life. Not only had Alice and Jasper attracted Aro's attention but also the size of our coven made Aro un-easy of this I was sure.

Bella agreed to re-join the Volturi and resume her position in the guard when it was necessary, she did this to keep our family safe, I was eternally grateful, but this arrangement had for decades now made me un-easy. The Volturi left our family to our life, and in exchange Bella would use her reputation and powers to sway battles and orchestrate arrangements with troublesome covens and vampires.

I knew from experience the guard were exposed to dangerous situations, and I knew Bella's powers made her a focal point of any attack. The weeks or months she was absent were always times of great un-rest in our family, as we worried for her safe return.

**What do people think, should I bother to continue?**

**Reviews would be extremely helpful.****  
Thanx for reading :)**


	5. Chapter 4 Emotions

Chapter Four: Emotions

JPOV

I fled to the woods as the emotions in the house became to overwhelming for me to handle. The mass of emotions combined with my own fear and concern would soon become a whirlwind of emotions if I did not remove myself from the house. I excused myself from my gorgeous wife and fled to the solitude of the woods, where I could focus solely on my emotions rather than the depression which griped the house like a vice.

Carlisle and Esme were consumed with worry for their daughter and they agonized over Bella's return to Volterra. I out of all my siblings could understand where their fear originated from, my years involved in the Southern wars had shown me the brutality of our race. When provoked, incensed or determined vampires could be lethal, and the most deadly of all vampires were the crazed, blood-thirsty newborns. I knew that if the Volturi were calling Bella then the mission was of critical importance, or worse highly dangerous. This knowledge only furthered increased my own fear for my dearly beloved sister and her safety.

Alice was crushed, she may not have seen the horrors that myself, or someone as old as Carlisle had witnessed, but she knew enough of the world to know the situations that Bella was about to engage in. The only hope in the dire situations Bella would undoubtedly encounter were her immense powers, yet despite her power she was not by any means invincible.

Bella was an immortal among mortal humans, but amongst vampires her powers were the only thing which generally ensured her safety. Bella knew the limits of her own powers, the scars which littered her skin, similarly to mine, were proof that even Bella's powers did not ensure safety or protection.

The hours passed and I continued to avoid the house, I knew it would be a while before any sense of normality prevailed, and for the coming weeks and months before Bella's return the atmosphere would be tense and emotions would become highly-strung.

Rosalie who generally had an indifferent attitude was rattled by Bella's departure. Bella's last Volturi call-up almost a decade ago had left her with a trio of new scars around her wrist and neck and it did not go un-noticed, neither did her silence and refusal to discuss the events which occurred. I had a greater insight into Bella's sheltered mind than most due to my ability to read her emotions, Bella tried to shelter our family from the harshness of Volturi service, yet in her shutting us out it only furthered increased the stress my family felt when she came to depart, the uncertainty of her missions only increased the panic ten-fold.

For all my power allowed me access to Bella's emotions it could be equally frustrating and confusing. The frustration came from Bella herself, her shielding power allowed her to willingly block out my abilities, her resting shield only protected her mind from mental invasions, but with slightly more effort on Bella's part she had learned long ago to block powers such as mine and Alice's. It was now common for her in times of stress or confusion to shield herself from my power, this frustrated me to no end, her shutting herself out and dealing with her problems alone was very self-explanatory of her character. Bella very infrequently displayed any show of weakness, and this in its self was her weakness, her inability to let people into her life. We as a family had probably seen more of Bella's true self than anyone else in her life, I like Carlisle wished for Bella to find herself a mate, in the hope she would finally allow some one to break down her long intact walls.

For all Bella's beauty and prowess she was riddled with self-doubt. My family believed her own doubt was preventing herself from finding a mate, as it was common knowledge Bella was not without her suitors. Yet throughout the times in which I had glimpsed into her more complex emotions I had concluded Bella was merely more focused upon attaining her true match, she lived in a family with three perfectly balanced couples and this was what she yearned for after witnessing it for so many years first hand. Like an outside observer she had watched our relationships develop and mature, watched us quarrel and be romantic and it was this type of all encompassing love which Bella desired. Rather than settle for one of her suitors, Bella wanted a mate, a true and perfect match like the ones she witnessed in our family.

Although Carlisle, Esme, Alice and Rosalie's emotions were hard to be around it was Emmett's emotions which were the most difficult for me to be present around. Emmett was in general the most upbeat and jovial member of our family. His drastic shift in emotions when Bella departed was the most hard-hitting of all my family's emotions. That is why I let the hours stretch out before me, as I escaped the whirlwind of emotions which lingered in our home.

APOV

I missed Bella, although I'm sure I wasn't alone in that thought, my entire family would miss her and what made it especially more difficult in my point of view was the fact she was missing a new chapter in our lives.

We had just relocated to Forks, Washington two weeks ago and were due to begin high school next week. Bella would more than likely be gone for months, inevitably meaning she would miss the entire school year, or at least a semester or two, and presumably begin next year and invent the excuse that she had been away at boarding school, or another plausible lie to conceal her disappearance. For me Bella's absence at school would be particularly tough, this year we were to begin as freshmen whilst Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper would disguise themselves as sophomores. This was generally done because Bella and I had been turned at the age of seventeen, well in my case it was un-certain but rather presumed, whilst the others were physically older when they became vampires and hence found it harder to pose as freshmen.

This was certainly turning out to be a crappy day, first Bella sprang her leaving upon us and now the realisation I would be alone as a freshman. It was perhaps a good job Jazz had excused himself from the house, I was at present on a major downer.

As for Bella springing her departure upon us I was also mentally kicking myself for missing that, it was either that I had been too busy visualising our wardrobe for the first week of Forks high school or that once again she had turned that damn shield on and blocked my power.

I hated that particular power and she knew it, on more than one occasion she had used it to wind me up. If she wasn't in the mood for an all out shopping spree that little minx would block my power and plan her escape. Of course events like that paled in comparison to when she actually purposefully blocked me out. I was betting anything she had known about this for a while. In fact once I thought about it she had been acting oddly since her birthday, Bella had been totally un-reasonable about the cake for instance.

**Flashback**

"_A cake, why in God's name did you buy a cake Alice?" Bella screeched._

_I personally wasn't sure what her problem was __she asked for low-key so I gave her low blooming key._

_The three-tier birthday cake was decoration, I was going to go with a giant cherub ice sculpture but I'd seen this cake __online and it most certainly looked like a Bella type thing._

_It was fancy, yet not over-whelming and beautiful in its elegance and simplicity, for heavens sake what was not to like. Esme had already not allowed me to put 247 candles on it, something about a fire hazard, now Bella had her knickers __in a twist, why I'm still not sure._

"_Hey" I protested, "this is the cake version of you, I had to buy it."_

"_Alice are you completely insane?" Bella questioned. "We don't eat for a start and secondly how can this be the 'cake version of me'?" She asked in a clearly mocking tone. _

"_Its simple, elegant, beautiful you know Bella like, obviously its what you would be like if you were a cake" I stated._

_Bella in all her infinite wisdom merely huffed and stalked off muttering something about stupid pixies as our family watched our exchange with an amused eye._

As I thought back Bella had been particularly moody and un-grateful as it turned out the cake had come in particularly handy for the food fight which followed the party. Still I wondered if this call-up had been something she had been preparing herself for, and once again shielding us from.

I tried in vain to glimpse into her future, but frustratingly came up blank. This was not un-usual for when Bella was with the Volturi, in order to afford herself extra protection she generally had her shield at a higher setting, so she blocked more powers than her regular setting. Still it only added to my worry when I was un-able to ensure her future to know she was safe.

I sat for the next few hours aimlessly re-organising Bella's closet, I mean if any good we to come of this departure it was that I could rid Bella's wardrobe of all her 'comfortable' clothes. That in my opinion was simply ridiculous, what vampire was uncomfortable in a dress, or high heels, none was the answer, which is why Bella did not require sweatpants. I was in the middle of removing the offensive item from her wardrobe when I received a vision. Ah perhaps the day would not be an entire waste after all, I was still down about Bella but this was the silver lining I needed.

I quickly dialled Jaspers number into my phone and impatiently tapped my foot as I waited for him to answer.

"Hi darling", relief flooded my being, if I was having a bad day nothing could cheer me up like Jasper, and by this point even just his voice was music to my ears.

"Hi, I was just calling to tell you my news" I replied.

"Good news?" He enquired.

"Good news considering everything, your going to be a freshman too this year, we'll be in the same year and classes and everything, isn't that good?" I quickly replied.

His chuckle rang through the phone, "When was this decided? I wasn't aware I actually agreed to this."

"You will, and so will Carlisle, in fact by tomorrow the school will have been notified of the clerical error which stated you were a sophomore rather than freshmen." I confidently replied.

"Maybe you should wait until you've actually asked me until you decide things again" He joking teased through the phone.

"Oh if your sure" I replied, "in that case I'll not bother planning the surprise I have waiting for you at home, I saw you liking it . . . a lot in my vision but if you want me to wait for you until I decide then I guess it wouldn't be much of a surprise, and then that would mean it would be pointless. Don't worry I can return the Victoria's secret item after all, never mind. Speak to you soon love, cheerio." With that teasing ending I knew that it wouldn't be long until my husband returned home, if anything I needed him now for the only distraction was his love and endearing support.

JPOV

I was presently racing back to my wife after our conversation mere moments earlier, as I'm sure was her original intention. I knew what waited for me and although emotionally draining it would ultimately only be me who could calm the raging emotions which awaited me at home. I was glad Alice had pulled me from my wallowing and solitude, after all it was in my despair that I craved the comfort of my wife, and ultimately of my family.

No doubt the next few months would be tension filled, like sending a family member off to war, each phone call would bring with it trepidation, our fear being that the call was to confirm our worst fears. With all the un-certainty and anxiety which would invade our home the only way we, particularly I, would remain sane was if we stuck together as a family. My absence although a relief for myself would only be detrimental to my family, so with my wife's encouragement I returned to our Bella-less home, to join my family in our joint distressing and self-torment as we eagerly anticipated Bella's return.


End file.
